Letter #10

There's this woman that I spent two years of my life with in a relationship and even more years being her best friend. There is NO one like her in this world. She is perfect, amazing, bright, gorgeous, intelligent and well rounded. She is the love of my life, my soul mate. We are no longer together and it has been about a year since we were. Everyday I wake up and hope that maybe that day will be the day I hear from her. Every time I do hear from her I know its only a matter of time till she runs away again. I cant blame her. In retrospect the relationship was pretty awful but never once did that change my mind, I always knew that I loved her and she in return loved me. Maybe it was too soon, we were too young, I was too blind, or maybe it was a challenge that we didnt persevere through together. I did some things that I am still trying to forgive myself
for, some things that for the rest of my life I will have to ask myself "what if". The fact of the matter is I cant change any of it now and neither can she but there is a burning desire in me to try again because when I say there is NO ONE like her I mean it. I never was a person that believed in much, but after finding her I believed in myself, i believed in the power of love, and i believed in soul mates. I always thought that the word soul mate was a little too cliché for my liking or for my finding. Sadly I was wrong and not only was I wrong I foolishly lost my very own soul mate. When I am around her it feels like I am complete in every sense of the word. There's a pull between us that acts like two magnets, I cant see her without staring into her eyes and falling harder each time. It has taken me so long to get over her and a part of me doesnt want to let go even still. In my mind there's a reason that I am torturing myself, hanging on to nothing because maybe just maybe if I do some day she will forgive me and come back. The reality of that happening... who knows but I know that I am missing her, desperately and for now I am willing to go through the pain of not knowing and through the pain of maybe even never
having another chance to do better but if I let go now I let go of forever.
love always,
23 Western MA