Letter #5

I have in fact, contributed to the death of the love letter... I stopped writing cause I thought it was silly! Looking through some old blogs, here is what I found:


Religion
March 15, 2005

What I meant to say was
For a long time I could only find
Religion in the church bulletin board signs
Outside on the road
Telling me which way to go and what way to lead my life
What I really mean is
Underneath it all I only found
Religion in your smile
But you've been gone more than a while and so I've been sinning
What I really mean to say is
Sometimes I want to go for long walks away
But I won't
You prey on me with religious temptations
I've lost myself
I don't mean to stay
But I can't tread away from the altar in your eyes
Thoughts tumble down green hills
Into the shallow naked valley that is my mind
Mine that you unwind and yet contracted
I want to go back and spend
All my offerings unto your lap in friendly recompense
What I had been meaning to say is
Some day is
Too soon and I know
That day is near
And I fear I won't have my salvation before then...when?
I'm scared
But what I was really saying is that
I deposit my soul into your plate
And I will wait
And Well
Wait
Until you notice that it is gone
That is to say
What I really want to say


3000 miles
September29, 2004

he is the greatest navigator
so when he left i was lost without him
he has the sharpest brain
so when he left i thought i lost my mind
he has the warmest heart
so when he left my bed was cold
his smile shines the brightest
so when he was gone my days turned gray
he has the safest arms
and when he left i felt unprotected
i have an empty space
so when he returns
he will fit
right
in
-Erica
(25, NYC)



I first saw the title of this letter/poem and grumbled because I didn't really know how to approach a 'religious' post. After reading it however, it struck me like that one song off Madonna's American Life album... 'I'm not religious/but I feel so moved/makes me wanna pray/pray you'll always be here/I'm not religious/but I feel such love...' I don't know. Anyways... from a writing standpoint, the repetition of what Erica tries to convey in the first part ( look for the word mean) helps to make this read like a strong vignette. The piece eventually folds out into repeating the word say... which I think is interesting considering its something written, not spoken. I'm not trying to be too literal, it's cool to me though.

As for the second piece/part of this letter/poem... I was ever so charmed how it dwindled down to single words. When it comes to poetry, I am the worst. I can't rhyme, it never comes across the way I want it to and seems forced. But Erica wrote this in a way that was so effortless that the words melted away on my tongue as I read it aloud to myself.

This 'empty space' is sweet. But what is up with us holding places for people to come back to? I'm not knocking it because I certainly do/have done it, but how can you tell when you're holding that special place in your heart/arms/bed for that special someone - that they really are your special someone? Does anyone have letters that express how you knew or didn't know that a person was meant (or meant not) to be? - Amber