Thursday, April 9, 2009

Letter #15

You read about, or watch on TV, people in the dilemma of having "such a tough decision" - where they think they're in love with two people at the same time, where in reality - one would be so lucky as to find true love ONCE in their lifetime.

But I, I can lay claim to the experience of having two loves at once. And I would give anything for it not to be so.

When you're caught looking behind, you veer and crash and present is not perfect anymore.
But you're left with what-if's, and I-wonder's...
IS IT true? that I would regret more what I missed out on?
I find that I am still in love with my past, but already love my present and possible, PROBABLE, future.

So you laugh when you watch the most recent Bachelor, and scoff - "how could you fall THAT in love with two people at the exact same time?? you don't hold either of them closer to heart than the other?!"

no. You don't. You fell in love so hard the first time, head over heels-butterflies-cant remember your own name. The second time is such a completely different love - the warm, secure, wrap-your-arms-around-me kind, where you sink into it like a warm bath, rather than stumbling head first.
And they're so different, they co-exist, and you wonder, HOPE, the day comes soon where one releases you from its hold.

I've learned to embrace, learn, and move on from the butterflies. Because the second love, the one I'm engulfed in now, is better than butterflies - its a flame. It flickers, it steadies, it sears and softens. It's mine.

Butterflies vs. flames.... couldn't you also get burned by a fire? I'm not sure of the context of this letter, but I was glad that this writer acknowledged how lucky she is to be in love with not one, but two people this much. I'm going to throw out a word here for people to think about maybe in relation to this letter, their own life or however they want to think about it: Lust.

Lust can give you butterflies and flicker? But don't or aren't most loves supposed to commence with lust? Where does lust belong in the scheme of love? I really do like the image of loves as butterflies or flames. I've never thought about categorizing loves before. - Amber

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